Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
