her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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