finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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