Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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