I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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