If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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