shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
