does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
