Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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