4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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