Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize