things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
