Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
