doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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