I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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