Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
