You're completely useless in the revolution.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
