note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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