I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
