I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
