i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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