the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
