return my video game
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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