I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My ass is underappreciated
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize