Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
