i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
