I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
