Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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