at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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