apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
