Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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