He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize