It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
