actually, I'm a sock model
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
