Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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