Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
