Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
