Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
