I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
