How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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