God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
