youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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