I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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