The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
