i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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