the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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