did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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