What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
