Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think my mom watched the whole time
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize