I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
