And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
