why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
