im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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