the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
