my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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