Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
