we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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