I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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