I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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