Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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