his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
