i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
