Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
