it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
