Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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