Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
