He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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