he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
now i know why i became what i already was.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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